Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling (DC) is a short-term, non-therapeutic intervention that helps couples gain clarity and confidence in their decision-making. The goal is not to fix the relationship but to help you decide if you both want to make an all-out effort to repair it.
Unlike traditional couples therapy, which requires both partners to be fully committed to the relationship, DC is specifically designed for couples where one or both partners are uncertain about the future, with one person leaning out and the other leaning in.
Three Possible Paths
This process is designed to help you decide on one of three paths:
- Stay in the relationship without making an active effort to improve it. While this is a less common choice, some people choose to maintain the status quo for now.
- Separate or move toward divorce. For many, this process confirms that separation is the best path forward.
- Commit to a six-month period of couples therapy. This path involves a full-out effort to save the marriage, with the decision to divorce put on hold during that time. This is often the path of choice after the DC process.
If you choose the third path, we can seamlessly transition into traditional couples therapy. Since we'll have already established a working relationship, it can be a smooth next step, but you are also welcome to choose another therapist if you prefer.
The Process
Discernment Counseling is a brief process, typically lasting between 1 and 5 sessions. Some couples need more time to gain clarity, while others need less.
Session 1 (120 minutes)
We will begin with a joint meeting for 40 minutes. You will both answer four key questions about your relationship to help me understand your unique situation.
Next, I will meet with each of you individually for 30 minutes. I usually begin with the partner who is more "leaning out" of the relationship. During this time, we will discuss the reasons for your unhappiness and explore the three paths. We will also touch upon your individual contributions to the relationship's problems.
At the end of each individual session, we will briefly come back together to provide a non-blaming summary(5 minutes) of what was discussed, with my guidance.
At the conclusion of the session, we come back together for 10 minutes to determine the plan going forward. You will decide if you want to schedule another session or if you have enough clarity to choose a path forward.
Sessions 2-5 ( 90 minutes)
The format for subsequent sessions is similar. We will start with a 10 minute check-in to see where you are in your decision-making. I will then meet with each of you individually, followed by a brief summary for the other partner. At the conclusion of the session, we will determine a plan going forward. We will continue this process until you feel confident in your decision.
True Leaf Counseling
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." - Ralph Waldo Emerson